Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
