Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
now i know why i became what i already was.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
