He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
