Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
