she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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