i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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