well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
