Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
