there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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