Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
