So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I love you. Go after that dick
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
