I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
