i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
