Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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