I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
