I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
