I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
