How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
