even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
