I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
