they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
