Yo dont text me then not text me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
