You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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