I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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