did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Randomize
