I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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