if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
