I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
