haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
