Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
