I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
