Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
