Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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