How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
