I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
