Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
