Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
