Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
