just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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