I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
