So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
