Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
