STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
