I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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