When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
