Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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