We're like a lot better than the average bears
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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