in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
