I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
