Apparently you make a good broom.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
