i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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