Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
