whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
