so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
