I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
