i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
