Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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