I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
did you just send me my own nude
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
