If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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