ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
