turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
