Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
