i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
