This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
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So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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