p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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