He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
