WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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