am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
