Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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