Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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