I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
