cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
