She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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