I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
