oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
