I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
