Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
