Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
