He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
